One thing I don’t have much of these days is time to myself. Between two-year-old twins, a kindergarten son, my husband, and work, there is little time for myself. When I do get some time to myself, it usually comes late at night after everyone is asleep. Which is why I get so frustrated when I fall asleep early.
My kids have always needed someone with them to fall asleep. My husband and I usually conquer and divide–he puts my son down and I do the girls. The problem with this scenario is that I’m laying in the dark after a long day and I inevitably fall asleep the majority of the time.
8:20-I lay down between the girls and sing them a couple of good-night songs. As their rustling subsides and their breathing slows, my mind drifts first to all the things I need to do and then to the things I want to do.
8:31-Baby Girl A is asleep, I’m just waiting for Baby Girl B to nod off. She took a later nap, so I expected this to happen. Almost, I tell myself, don’t fall asleep. Don’t fall asleep. Don’t fall asleep.
8:35-I sit up, thinking I’m good to go, but Baby Girl B rolls over, not fully asleep yet, and reaches an arm out to see if I am still there. I put my head back down on the pillow to give her a few more minutes to fall fully into dreamland. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t go to sleep.
8:37-My eyes are getting heavy, but I’m so close to freedom. Two more minutes, I think. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t go to sleep.
10:43-My eyes open and find the clock glowing across the room. No! My brain screams silently. I did it again! Angry with myself, I quietly slip out from under the blankets without disturbing the sleeping toddlers surrounding me.
Now I’m not going to have any time to spend with my husband, who I can already hear snoring through the door. It’s too late with the time change to talk to my best friend who just moved to Minneapolis. I’ll do the things that have to get done, like make lunches for tomorrow and take out the trash for pick-up in the morning. I’ll stay up later than I should doing a few things that I want to do (after all, I just took a two-hour nap), but somewhere around midnight I’ll head back to bed, still dissapointed that I slept another evening away.